subject: What's a Daughter-In-Law to Do? 4 Tips to Make the Holidays with His Family More Enjoyable [print this page] What's a Daughter-In-Law to Do? 4 Tips to Make the Holidays with His Family More Enjoyable
Here we go! The holidays will be here before you know it and that means -- family time, and not just any family time, but family time with your mother-in-law. I understand you may actually enjoy spending time with your mother-in-law, and may even prefer it to spending time with your own mother. However, I also know you may be just as likely dreading the holidays. Be honest, do you ever fantasize about how to get out of going to your husband's family holidays? Do you find yourself getting irritable, edgy, or even cranky, as it gets closer to visiting your in-laws?
Holiday time with your mother-in-law doesn't have to get the best of you. Shifting the way you see your situation makes it easier for you to shift the emotional anticipatory feelings that go along with it. And this is what makes the difference between dread and delight. I know going from dread to delight may seem a bit extreme, but the point is that when you can "lighten" how you perceive things, you'll be able to experience people in a different way. Let's get to the tips:
1. Don't take things personally It's important to remember who you are interacting with -- the woman who can drive you crazy. As much as we all want the holidays to be like we see on TV, holidays are typically stressful for everyone. So in whatever way your mother-in-law behaves normally, these behaviors will likely be intensified due to the stress of the holiday. This makes it really about her -- not you.
2. Look for the humor -- The best way to get through the day and remain sane is to find humor in what your mother-in-law says or does. Now I realize her actions or words aren't necessarily funny, but this is the time to search hard to find the humor. Creating that emotional distance by not taking things she says or does personally makes it easier to see how "off-the-wall" or strange she really is. By finding the humor you'll also have some great stories to tell your friends "You won't believe what _____ did," kind of story.
3. Remember it's just one day Hopefully it's just one day, unless you're spending a few days due to distance. Any of us can make it through one day of just about anything. Knowing that there is an end -- that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel -- can make all the difference in the world.
4. Establish ground rules in advance with your husband Before arriving at your in-law's house, you and your husband should decide how long you will stay. And then leave at the predetermined time. Another option is, if your husband really wants to stay longer than you, take two cars and let his family know as soon as you arrive that you'll need to leave at such-and-such a time because of (whatever excuse you and your husband agree on).
*What if you live out of town? -- If you live out of town and can't leave to go back to your home, you and your husband may need to decide to stay in a hotel for the holiday. Again, you can decide in advance when you want to go back to the hotel or visit another family, and then leave at the designated time. By staying at a hotel or with another family member you'll always have a "haven" to return to.
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