subject: Dealing With Your Child's Oppositional Defiant Disorder [print this page] Dealing With Your Child's Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Spending a day with a child who has Oppositional Defiant Disorder is like fighting a series of different battles, and you will not get to the end until you have won all of them. It starts the moment they get up for their breakfast, it grows in intensity on being told to put their clothes on, and carries on like this until the final battle of the day ends with them going to bed.
A child that has ODD loses their temper very quickly and easily. They have a gambit of negative emotions and blame everyone else for their inability to cope. They have a tendency to become sulking, angry adolescents.
As a parent, it is impossible to satisfy a child who suffers from ODD, because they are so irrational. They want your attention one minute, and to leave them alone the next. Children with ODD aren't easy to like, and their parents, understandably, feel guilty that they love them, but cannot stand being near them.
Parents get blamed for their child's behavior, and also heap more blame on themselves. The parent will often feel incompetent and isolated. They live with the self-imposed shame that others think they're bad parents, and that humiliation grows as their world gets smaller.
A lot of parents just do not have the skills to cope with the problem. They generally deal with it by negotiating, and bargaining, giving in, threatening and screaming. But in fact this is giving the child more power.
You have to avoid power struggles. Choose your battles carefully, and win the ones you pick. Many times you can win fights with this child by not arguing back. When you argue with them, their resistance to you strengthens. So do not argue, set some limits and expect compliance.
You must formulate a plan for dealing with your child's behavior. You need a plan for every situation, such as riding in the car, visiting the mall, even in a family situation. And always be willing to follow through on the plan, so that the child learns defiance will not get them what they want.
Parents that have to deal with ODD on a daily basis have to have a powerful mix of determination and strength. It is possible to have a child with ODD and a peaceful home.
The key is to decide whether you are going to change the world for them or teach him to deal with it? And it is not very practical to change the world. Though by constantly setting limits concisely and clearly, you will eventually teach your child to come to terms with the world and succeed in it.
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