subject: Are You Ready For The Newborn? [print this page] Wives are hard pressed after laboring to give birth. They are naturally emotionally and physically caught up with the newborn.
At the same time, they are conscious of the demand to be emotionally involved with their husbands.
How can they realistically contemplate romance in the midst of this overwhelming call on their physical and emotional resources?
Partners who are keen to have children and are unable to do so experience a great deal of stress. That may in turn have negative impact on the relationship and the marriage. Even when conscious or subconscious blaming of one of the partners is not present, the failure to conceive produces psychological pressures that diminish the capacity for fulsome enjoyment.
Where conception is possible, it is usually best for newlyweds to get acclimatized to marriage and to living together before bringing children into the picture. Two individuals from different maturing experiences are coming together to live in a new domain. Isn't it wise to conquer those challenges before taking on yet another challenge?
It is also wise to establish greater financial stability in preparation for kids. Many persons accept that financial savings can be achieved when two persons living individually come together in marriage. However, we do well to recognize that it takes cash to care for children. Some couples are shocked at the impact of a newborn on their budgets. In some cases the increased expenditure as accommodated by a loss of income by the mother.
Wise couples establish a sound financial base before having children. One common challenge that newborns present to couples is the dramatic shift in attention and affection toward the child. It is particularly difficult for men who find that they have been replaced as the apple of their wives' eyes. This situation is not to be ignored! Men need to dig deep and find coping mechanisms that work for them.
One strategy is to channel your emotions into loving your offspring. This has the spin-off effect of relieving wives of taxing task of caring for the child. Being first to respond to cries at 3 a.m. will endear husbands to wife and child. At the same time, wives should not be insensitive to the feelings of their partners. Taking care of a newborn is not easy. This is particularly true if it is the first child. Mothers have to work through a range of new challenges non-stop. This takes place in a context of doubts and fears as to how well they are performing the task of motherhood. This is not easy.
Against this background, wives are called upon to fulfil yet another responsibility. It is the capacity to cope with diverse demands on them physically and emotionally that makes the wife/mother role as difficult as any CEO position. Yet, you agreed to take this man as your life partner. When all is taken into consideration, wives have to overcome their challenges and ensure their husbands that they are loved and appreciated. Keeping the relationship warm is not to be neglected. One excellent way to deal with the entrance of a child in the marriage is to get help to relieve both partners for time away together. At least once per week, get a trusted baby sitter to give you a chance to maintain the connection with each other.
The best solution is to share the newborn with loving, caring family members. Get them involved in all aspects of duties from changing diapers, through washing bottles, rocking to sleep and providing safe and enriching entertainment. This is a great way for many persons to enjoy taking care of the child while giving him or her the opportunity to be exposed to different styles. This is likely to develop positive inter-personal skills and emotional intelligence.
Dealing with new entrants is not the only challenge that kids present in marriages. Grown children can introduce another difficulty. Sometimes partners use the kids to win arguments. Some partners actually use children as tools to win arguments with their spouses.
Conflict with respect to how and when to discipline children can be yet another bone of contention between partners. One fundamental understanding should cover any and all challenges related to children in the marriage. The partners need to re-affirm that "Kids don't say "I do"". The marriage is between the partners. Controversial as it may appear, the wedding vows accorded a certain kind of relationship between husband and wife.
The "for better" introduction of children should not diminish the role of either party. This is not easy to accomplish and needs special attention. External counselling may be advisable.
Experiencing sudden neglect after being a star during courting and the early years of marriage can be confusing and even frustrating for husbands. One response might be to avoid the situation by spending less time at home. Any issue that could encourage disaffection has implications for the success of the marriage and needs to be given priority attention. Arriving at common ground with your partner about how to manage relationships with each other and with the children is the foundation of a happy home.
The beautiful thing is that children can be such a positive factor in enriching marriages. The joy that comes from nurturing kids and watching them develop covers over a multitude of challenges. The raising of well balanced, cheerful and achieving children is a major contributor to success in marriage.
So then, plan to overcome the challenge of living together before bringing kids into the picture. Also, prepare a financial base that can cope with the additional expenses. Share the child with loving, caring family members to relieve you of some of the burdens of being wife and mother. Remember, to pay special attention to the needs of your partner - despite your challenges. Empower children and enrich their experiences versus using them as pawns. Celebrate their achievement with your life partner. Share happy moments together as a well knit family.
by: TrevorES Smith
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