subject: Helping Shy Children to be More Social [print this page] Helping Shy Children to be More Social
Kids are often shy due to their inborn temperament, not because they are broken and need fixed. Shy people, in fact, often have wonderful qualities such as sensitivity, empathy and the ability to listen. While shyness is a natural and healthy variation in temperament, it can limit a child's opportunities. Shy children may be less able to stand up for themselves, make new friends, and ask for what they want. The goal here is not to change your shy child into an exuberant extrovert, but to make her more comfortable socially so that her shyness doesn't limit her unnecessarily. The following are a few strategies to help the anxious child be more comfortable socially:
1. Encourage your child to help others.
Since many shy children are naturally sensitive and empathic, one way to help a child feel more at ease socially, is to have your child help other people. Often, shy children will be more comfortable when the focus is off themselves. Perhaps your child can offer to bring in the newspaper for a disabled neighbor, help a peer with homework or visit someone who is elderly and doesn't get out much.
2. Encourage your child's interests.
One's interest and hobbies are natural connection points with others. Sign your baseball loving son up for Little League, or your outdoor loving daughter for Girl Scouts. These are places where they can meet likeminded kids and make friends more easily.
3. Work on social skill building with your child.
There are entire books available on the subject, but here are a few pointers to get you started. Begin with basic conversational skills. Have your child practice being the first to say hello. Teach your child to start a conversation by commenting in a positive way on something another person did or said. Have your child practice asking questions that show a genuine interest in others. Lastly, have your child practice responding to questions and talking about himself. You can role play these skills with your child, before he tries them out with peers. Don't rush your child and don't make him feel that there is something wrong with them. Explain to him that you are working with him on social skills to help him feel more comfortable in social situations. Once your child has mastered basic conversational skills and feels reasonably confident, have your child role play inviting others to do things. Maybe he can practice asking a friend for a play date, or inviting a friend to go to a movie ( or whatever activity is age appropriate). Don't rush your child and don't make him feel that there is something wrong with them. Explain to him that you are working with him on social skills to help him feel more comfortable in social situations.
4. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
If your child tries out his social skills and they prove unsuccessful, use the "failed" interaction as a basis to work further on skill development. Have children adapt what they have learned. Role play what happened using a different scenario and a different outcome. Any rejection or perceived failure should be thought of as a learning opportunity and part of the process. Don't focus on success or failure, but on the effort put forth.
5. Model Outgoing Behavior.
Kids internalize their parent's world view. If you are projecting that people are scary and to be avoided, your child will pick up on that. Work on your own social skills if you need to. Strike up conversations, be the first to say hello, and model friendliness and openness.
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