subject: Difficulties of Divorced Parent Beginning To Date Again [print this page] Difficulties of Divorced Parent Beginning To Date Again
Marriages are not exactly the most stable of institutions. As a result, any couple thinking about marriage today, has to take into account that the marriage may eventually fall apart. It is especially important for couples who plan on having kids in the marriage. According to statistics, nearly 40 percent of all marriages with kids, end in divorce before the child has a chance to grow up and become independent.
In addition, this means that, unless both of the divorcing parents plan on remaining relationship free until their children have grown up, they will eventually end up dating again. And, if you are divorced and have children, dating introduces a whole new set of problems to a household that is already a bit unsettled due to the divorce.
For those who have recently ended a marriage and, in addition, have primary custody of the kids - you'll soon find out that the biggest obstacle to your dating life is likely to be the reactions of the children.
For many people, dating can be an effort, even in the best of circumstances. But when children are added to the mix, it can sometimes seem almost futile. So futile, in fact, that many divorced parents don't even try. When children are involved, you have remember that you have a duty and obligation to them to do your best to not mess them up emotionally. The time immediately after a divorce is most critical for the kids. Whether they show it or not, the divorce has most likely shake their world and they're going to need time to get over it. Introducing a new person, a possible new parental figure, into their lives too soon can have one of two effects - neither of which is good.
A very typical response is for the child to respond in an extremely bitter behavior directed towards the current boyfriend or girl friend. This is very common in cases where they harbor the belief that their parents could get back together again and restore their life to the way it was. So, consciously or sub-consciously, they will work to sabotage possible new relationships.
This can be difficult to determine as there are many ways that this could manifest itself. From becoming sick when you have a night planned out or by showing passive aggressive behavior towards your date by complimenting him on his toupee or weight.
The second way that your child can react it to accept the new person in their lives too fast which sets them up for another emotional heartbreak if that person decides to leave.
This kind of a reaction is especially prevalent in young kids. And, unfortunately, younger children are exactly the ones that are disproportionately affected. This is because the majority of divorces take place before the child has reached the age of ten. Teenagers have difficulty with the situation also, but are much better able to emotionally adapt then are pre-teens. Ultimately, however, kids will take their emotional cues from you. And the most important thing, from your perspective, is to provide them with the most positive household environment that you can.
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