subject: Bonding With Your Special Needs Child [print this page] Bonding With Your Special Needs Child
It might shock you to realize that the bonding process could be more important for the parents of a special needs child than for the child themselves. This is because the parents are in the throws of grief at the time the bonding is taking place. It is important to remember you are grieving a loss, that grief is the response to unmet expectations, and the process takes time to complete.
During the entire pregnancy parents dream of how they want to raise their child; of how wonderful it will be when they take their first steps or say their first words. The first day of school is visualized, and the joy of seeing their child ride their bike without the training wheels is a favorite. Once the reality hits you that your child may not be able to accomplish all your plans for him or her, you enter the grief of unmet expectations.
When facing the time of bonding with your child, while mentally dealing with these unmet expectations, the emotions one normally uses to bond may not be as readily available to you as you think they should be. It may be hard for you to accept, but you'll probably have to dig deeper to find the positive emotions you have about your child. There is nothing wrong with you. This is a normal response, and you should not chastise yourself or another family member for these feelings. You are in a grief process, and it is important that you are patient with yourself, your family, and your baby.
The process of emotionally connecting with your baby may take more time than you expect it to, but it will happen. Making an effort toward bonding is called for, in this situation. Touching your child is important. Caressing, gentle massage, and holding your baby face to face are excellent roads to full bonding. Talking to your child in a calm voice while making eye contact will help you both immensely. Lay baby on your stomach, and just be quiet together. Play with baby on the floor, imitating their actions, showing the child you are interested in what they do.
Sometimes, just the opposite takes place. Over bonding is a distinct possibility simply because your child is special. A parent can become overly responsible for or concerned about their child, and end up smothering the child with too much attention or hindering the child from accepting a healthy viewpoint of personal responsibility. Some of the symptoms of over bonding are the parent being overly protective, or smothering, babying or continually pampering the child, and being critical and non-trusting of others ability to care for the child.
Soon you will be nearing the end of the grief process. Things will begin to look more normal to you. Now that you have learned ways to cope with the grief, and bond with your child without reservation, you can help your spouse and other children to bond with the newest bundle of joy in your family.
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