subject: Don't Get Offended [print this page] The other day my husband could tell I was feeling swamped so he offered to cook dinner. I was thrilled at his offer and told him I loved his idea. He then proceeded to tell me, "I'll make you something healthy." Thoughts about how considerate husband is flooded my mind; he obviously had noticed that I don't usually eat the meals I cook for him, since they typically contain the types of fats and carbohydrates I try to avoid. I was excited to see his idea of a healthy meal. Then came the funny part. He took my moment of silent contemplation as a sign that I was offended by his offer for a "healthy" meal. He began going back on his comment and said, "It's not like you need to eat healthy...I wasn't trying to say you don't cook healthy... you don't need to lose weight or be healthier or anything." I began to laugh, but then realized he was apologizing because he knows I sometimes get easily offended. Unfortunately, I'm not alone in this world. We could all use a little help when it comes to being less-easily offended.
The first key to not being easily offended involves a realization of the fact that we personally choose to be offended. People may perform actions or say things that could potentially hurt your feelings, however youand only youallow those words or actions hurt you. You choose to take offense. It is all about how you deal with your surroundings. Growing up, I know my siblings and I would always blame our little acts of anger on the fact that, "My brother/sister made me mad." We would then be corrected and reminded that we chose to be mad and our actions were no body's fault but our own. Of course, some people are better than others at provoking us to anger or offense, just as some friends are more likely to cause us laugh. It is all about how you internalize the actions and words that constantly occur around you. Are you going to let the small things affect your day and your attitude?
The second thing to remember is that if you choose to take offense, you are allowing an internal sore to develop within you while the person who you think caused the offense is probably walking around without even realizing they hurt you. Perhaps you should consider talking about your feelings to a close loved one and getting a second opinion about your feelings to see if they are justified. I know I have counseled with my husband many times and asked if I was wrong or right in feeling upset about a certain situation. More often than not, my husband can give me a very valid opinion from an outsider's point of view and he helps me realize that the other person probably did not mean what they said in the way that I interpreted it. Always assume the bestno one would ever intentionally try to harm or offend you. This is usually the case, but we seem to be pretty thin-skinned as a society and unfortunately we sweat the small stuff.
The last and most important thing to remember is that allowing feelings of offense to fester within usually lead to outward expressions of bitterness to those who are closest to us. Don't let negative feelings build up, because eventually they may erupt and you could say or do some nasty things to those you love most. If this happens, you better hope your dear friends are better at not taking offense than you are.
Choosing to stay on higher ground and not take offense is a hard and challenging task at times. It definitely requires patience and understanding. We should all strive to believe people are genuinely good-natured. Try to imagine that the questionable words or actions were actually said or done without malicious intent. By choosing to not take offense, you keep a healthy relationship with those closest to you and you can more easily socialize without stressing every little comment that could potentially be considered rude. You become a much more enjoyable person to be around.
by: C S Lewis
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