subject: Your Second Marriage And Your Children [print this page] Weddings are stressfulWeddings are stressful. That is an unpleasant fact that is inescapable. However, they are also joyous and wonderful. Second marriages can be just as joyous but getting married the second time can be even more stressful than the first, especially for your children. The following are some tips and insights into how to make the wedding process a little bit easier on your kids and your new spouse-to-be.
Not a Replacement The quicker your children understand that their new step mom or dad is not a replacement for the original, the quicker they can begin the bonding process that must take place if everyone is to get along in this new and unique relationship. The obvious choice is to sit them down and have a conversation with them together and without him or her present. While this sounds productive, it is, as we all know, not as easy as that. Older children may not understand or might refuse to listen altogether. Their under-developed emotions may become strained past the point of reason. Even so, you must try to reach them at every available opportunity.
Happy Is As Happy Does You are getting married again because your intended makes you happy. You deserve to be happy. You cannot pass up the opportunity simply because one or more of your children do not approve. You never know when true love will find you again, if it ever does. You have to be happy because if you, as the parent, are not happy, no one in the family will be happy. Even though the situation is unfortunate for the stubborn child who, through you best efforts, has been reasoned with and still refuses to give it a chance, it may be a blessing in disguise. How could so much pain be a blessing? Life is a hard teacher. You know from experience that this is not the worst thing that could happen to your child and is, in fact, the best thing that could happen. Learning to deal with this will help them in later years when life decides to throw more curve balls at them and that is important.
The Tortoise Technique We have all heard the saying that slow and steady wins the race. So it is with children. Sometimes they need more time to learn the lessons life teaches us through happiness and disappointment. Patience is sometimes the best weapon that you have in an arsenal that is surely lacking when it comes to children. If you are diligent in your affections towards the new man or woman in your life, eventually, the child will come to understand as long as your new mate is patient as well.
Professional Help The decision to bring in professional help is a serious matter and not as simple as picking out wedding favors or deciding what caterer to use. (Although picking out unique wedding favors is a royal pain.) Seeking professional advice and council is very often the correct way to go when it comes to the tender emotions of children. As a parent, you cannot be expected to see the root of all their problems. A Psychologist, on the other hand, is not nearly as close to the situation and may be able to shed some valuable insight on what is really going on inside your child's head. Therapy can be expensive but it is certainly money well spent. There are many good therapists that have experience in this and many other problems today's children have to face, problems, which are much different from the world and culture in which many adults faced as children. Seeking professional help is always an act of love.
by: Aaron Hu.
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