Telling Your Child That She Is Adopted
Adoption is a marvelous process. It may, in fact, be your answer to prayer if you want to have children but aren't able to conceive naturally. When you adopt a child, you get the full family experience, including first hand knowledge of the challenges involved in raising a child. But, the real challenge comes in knowing how and when to tell your child about her adoption.
News of adoption can be very hard for a child to accept. You can imagine the numbers of questions a child would have upon getting that news. Who are my birth parents? What are my birth parents like? Why did my birth parents give me up for adoption? It can be very emotionally troubling for a child.
If you are the parent of an adopted a child, or you plan to adopt a child, don't spend a lot of time worrying about when to tell her about the adoption. Instead, start talking to her as soon as possible. In fact, you should start talking to her about adoption from the very beginning.
If your child hears from you that she came into your family by adoption from the very beginning of your relationship, she will generally not suffer severe psychological or emotional issues from the knowledge. Gradual knowledge helps your child better understand her adoption. In other words, gradually introducing the truth that she is adopted makes adoption normal.
You should be consistent in your discussions of adoption. In other words, you should talk about your child's adoption in a positive way and always discuss it as a positive event.
Even when you talk about the birth parents, you should do so in positive terms. Speak well of them regardless of the circumstances that may have caused them to place their birth child for adoption. If you know the birth parents, it is especially important that you talk about their talents, skills and personality. This type of positive talk helps your child connect with her heritage and respect you for adopting her. Stress that her birth parents did all they could to make sure she had a positive, bright and secure future.
If you need extra assistance to help you explain the issue of adoption to your child, there are a lot of children's books available that deal with the issue in terms that children can understand. Get one or more of these books. Then read those books with your child. They will help you present adoption in a positive light to your child.
The key to successfully explaining adoption to your child is to make sure your child understands that she is wanted and special. Don't let her think in any way that she was "thrown away" or simply placed with your randomly.
As you talk with your child about adoption, encourage her to express her own feelings about the issue of her adoption. Adoption is an easy issue to discuss with your child as long as you show her love and support.
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